Thursday, May 5, 2011

The Real Story of Palito

Far East Database

File M2810-1059P

Keyword: Corps of Comedians

Start transmission…

The pressure of the second World War necessitated the creation of a local intelligence task force to serve the Philippine government. Secret agents were commissioned using the most unexpected guise, that of slapstick, over-the-top comedians of the so called golden age of Philippine Cinema.

The government realized that it is not capable of reaching the level of stealth and vast intelligence networks exhibited by counterparts from the U.S., Russia or Japan. Instead, the government capitalized the absurdity and implausibility of using actors (specifically comedians) as agents for infiltration and information-gathering. Thus, the Corps of Comedians was formed, albeit, underground.

Reporting directly to the Chief of Intelligence, the corps started on simple missions such as identifying military heads and authorities and their social relations. In parallel, they report to their booking managers and perform signing tours, press appearances, shootings and tapings among others.

One of the corps’ best agents is codename Pilato; derived from Poncius Pilate who washed his hands from any responsibility of Jesus’ nailing on the cross. As indicated by his codename, comedian Pilato is conditioned to deny any accountability for the Philippine government in case of capture.

A former drummer and horse jockey, Pilato is endowed with a very petite and nimble physique. He has a very thin yet sturdy bone structure native to his hereditary bloodline and molded by years of rigid military training. Despite his light anatomy, he is a specialist in the operation, assembly and disassembly of medium to heavy artillery weapons. He is also well-trained in stealth operations and spy missions. In addition, he has a special ability to slow down his body metabolism and other processes thereby simulating death or almost dying.

As his official cover, he appears in movies that reflect and camouflage his roles in the corps. Thus, his comedic alter-ego has starred in films that feature the lead actor as a clumsy or stupid war soldier (think of a frail Rambo, or a skeleton with a gattling gun) or even spy movies in the vein of James Bond wherein the lead comedian is again another very thin agent. He may also star in other movies showcasing his other skills such as pretending to be dead (zombies, vampires, dead person etc).

As the comedian, his callsign is Palito (or ‘Matchstick’ in Filipino) in reference to his very thin, stick-like built.

These covers create a sense of outrageousness which erases any image of this actor as a real military agent. And so, agents like Pilato continue to appear in the real world as soldiers and spies without them being suspected by opposing governments. They continue their military and spy training openly with their consistent excuse being that they are shooting a movie.

As the war rages on indefinitely, the corps of comedians would carry on various missions, some of which would result to casualties. The corps continues to feed useful information to the government to aid in the ongoing war. At the same time, they continue to feed hilariously entertaining movies to the viewing public. Every comedian of the corps knows that the next movie they make may actually be their last take.

End Transmission